Updated: Aug 4
When you were a kid do you remember that feeling when you stood with your arms wide open stretched looking up at the sky, the sun hitting your face making you happy, you start to move your feet, spinning them around and around you can feel the butterflies building up in your tummy? There is a rush of warmth hitting your skin because you're moving faster and faster the sun is wrapped all around you, you know that if you keep going you will fall.
You just can’t help yourself you want to keep chasing those butterflies that warmth, spinning even faster you feel the wind under your arms swooshing all around you, and then all the sudden your feet get tangled up and you fall hitting the ground in a pile laughing because really at this moment it's all right, laughing out loud laying on the grass, you knew it was coming let you still weren’t prepared. You're happy, content, and accepting that hard fall because you feel no pain, only pure warmth, happiness, and butterflies.
This is exactly how I have been feeling and it's about time!
I won't bore you with all the shitty little details of the last couple of years, because you I am sure have your own stories to tell too so I will sum it up here as quickly as I can. Clearing just by looking at my social media you can see I have been working pretty hard to shed the built-up weight I gained from a leg injury, wanting to regain my physical self yet along the way I had this feeling that I was missing a key, like there was the door locked and not allowing me to pass.
Other parts of my life shifted, like my full-time career as a Digital Marketer/ Graphic and Web Designer I changed to run CN Creative full-time couple that with being offered a full-time position as a Superintendent of a condo meaning we would move next door in days not weeks or months, days, ohhhhh let’s not forget to mention the shift of my spouse's job going from days to afternoons shift permanently.
Sugar coating shit isn’t my style you guys should know me by now I am unapologetic and authentic to the core. All this above is great and exciting but there are bad, sad, and not fun things that also happened all in between. My mom was in a serious accident. I am grateful she is recovered, disabled but recovered. I now call her ROBOMOM. This made my eyes wide open to realize what was most important and what I wanted was inner peace.
Then while we took the month of June to move our oldest cat Shadow (not old just 7) was diagnosed with cancer and I had to make the hard decision and sit by him as he left us for the rainbow bridge. Still hurt to this day over that and now understand that will always be with me…
We had people who we thought were our friends turn on us, just for taking this position or being offered it (who knows and who cares really now), there was a war between the in-laws and the whole family and we have now stepped away from that shitty situation permanently. Sad but glad we did for the peace outweighs the meanness and chaos.
It's been a year of serious ups and downs, my eyes were opened wide in 2021 the good and bad, life shifts, growth, challenges and the biggest thing for me is acceptance.
It was nearing the end of 2021, my awareness wasn't what I wanted it to be within myself and I started wanting to see more of a change, peace, learn, and grow into myself more.
Since January 2022 I have stepped back from my business to place more focus on myself, my daily routines, awareness, and pockets of time. To be real just trying to find the balance between it all and how I can make it all work while not giving up on my time or wants.
I am grateful to my Meditation and Mindfulness Guru Deanna Wheeler for helping me along in my journey, sharing her Focus On You Foundations Program has given me the tools I needed to achieve my inner peace, get a hold of my anxiety, and achieve a balance, mindfulness, awareness, and that calm I have been desiring.
Don't get me wrong calm and rainbows aren't here all the time but every so often I get to grab onto a moment when I can feel like I could put my arms out and just spin.
Acceptance I grabbed a hold of tightly as it's been the hidden key to open the locked door for me to let go and be able to use the tool around me and regain clarity and focus within minutes.
Acceptance to me is taking the good and bad together no matter what just facing it, processing it, breathing it in, and letting it out, it's understanding that some things are simply out of our control and acceptance is how we process it.
It's that freeing feeling of taking that step forward and placing my hands out from my sides, stretching them out, and starting to spin. You know what will happen, you will end up on your bum yet you desire and want to feel the butterflies building up in your tummy, the warmth of the sun, and the air wrapped around you.
Accepting that my life isn’t everyone else's, my balance looks different and means something different to everyone else. Because well everyone's life is different and the sooner you accept that your day-to-day isn’t anyone else you can start to make the small changes you want to achieve your balance and find the key to your happiness.
For now, I keep spinning, trying to improve, and have accepted that I love myself enough to not give up and keep going with the tools in my back pocket I am unstoppable.